How to Die Without Regrets

Today, I woke up to freezing temperatures and reports of early snowfalls from friends and family across the country. As Mercury and Jupiter both turn retrograde, and Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune continue retracing their paths in the sky, everything in Nature is beckoning us to direct our focus inward.

Samhain, Día de los Muertos, All Souls Day, Armistice Day, and the many other autumnal observances of death, ancestors, and the cyclical nature of life do not just represent dates on the calendar; they represent a season. As Nature herself prepares to go to sleep for the Winter months ahead, all of November gifts us an opportunity to reflect upon endings – including our own.

In today’s blog post, I want to ask you a question that may feel uncomfortable at first but holds the potential to radically change your life: 

Will you die without regrets?

 The Most Common Regrets of the Dying

I’ve been reading From Passive to Passionate: How to Quit Your Job – Grow Your Wealth & Turn Your Passions Into Profits by Brian Luebben, and in it he references an article written by Bronnie Ware - an Australian nurse who cared for patients during their final weeks of life. Over time, she began to hear many of the same heart-wrenching confessions repeated again and again. The most common regrets that so many carried to the end are:

1.      I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2.      I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3.      I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4.      I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5.      I wish I had let myself be happier.

Each of these regrets reveals something deeper: a longing for authenticity, connection, and joy that we too often trade for obligation, approval, or fear.

What Will Your Legacy Be?

This week, I want to invite you into a powerful shadow work exercise to write your own eulogy.

This may sound a little morbid, but writing your own eulogy isn’t necessarily about death; it’s about clarity. It helps you bring to the surface what truly matters to you and what you want to be remembered for when you’re gone.

As you work through this process, you might ask yourself some of these questions:

*        What would I want people to say about me at my funeral?

*        What would I hope to be remembered for?

*        What kind of life would I feel proud to have lived?

When you strip away the noise, the external expectations, and the “shoulds,” you uncover what’s genuinely important. That’s where your true desires live.

Facing the Excuses That Hold You Back

Once you’ve written your eulogy, take an honest look at it. To what extent are you currently living in alignment with those words?

If there’s a gap between the life you want to be remembered for and the life you’re living now, ask yourself why. Then, with radical compassion, acknowledge that every reason you give yourself for not taking action is, at its core, an excuse.

You might say things like...

“I can’t do that; it’s too risky.”

“I don’t have the money.”

“My partner wouldn’t understand.”

But there is wisdom in these words: Where there is a will, there is always a way. When you align with your authentic desires, the Universe co-creates the path with you.

Your Shadow Work Challenge

For each excuse you uncover, write down one to three ways you could overcome it. Don’t censor yourself; just brainstorm. Then, choose one small action you can take this week to begin living more in tune with your soul’s truth.

It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be real.

Every step you take toward authenticity brings you closer to a life you won’t regret - a life that feels fully lived, deeply felt, and uniquely yours.

A Final Reflection

When your final day comes - and none of us knows when that will be - what do you want to be able to say?

Do you want to whisper, “I wish I had been braver”?

Or smile and say, “I lived my truth, and I have no regrets”?

The choice is yours, right here, right now.

If you’d like to go deeper into this work, explore my signature framework, The 12 Guiding Stars System, a soul-based approach to designing a life aligned with your deepest desires. You can find details about the book, course, and 1:1 coaching at tammaragardner.com.